Hardest. Run. Ever. Feeling discouraged.

Well last week I ran my 21 miles, my last long run before tapering and let me just say, it was the hardest, run, ever. I woke up feeling extremely tired. My body was so stiff and achy  I literally couldn't hold my toothbrush in my hand because my fingers wouldn't bend enough. I got ready and left to head out.  Usually my muscles loosen and my joints start feeling better after 45 minutes or so of running so I had high hopes. My first few miles I was about 30 seconds slower than normal... not a great start. By mile 7 I was crying. Everything hurt, I was starting to get a migraine (yes while running).Each mile was a push. I looped by my car at mile 11 and stopped my runkeeper. I drank some Nuun (electrolyte replacer) and water. Then  I decided I was done. It was too hard.  I was going way too slow. Everything hurt... whine whine whine, blah blah blah. I sat there whining to myself for about 2 minutes while stretching my legs and rehydrating.

Then, I decided, Lyme disease wasn't getting the best of me. I am not a quitter.  I set out to do something, and even if I was crawling by the end I was going to finish what I started. So off I went for my second loop. It was hard, by mile 15 I was really excited to only have a 10k left. My overall pace ended up being right on target for marathon pace (seriously? I don't know how that is even possible). I felt very discouraged. I cried in my car. I yelled at my husband for trying to encourage me when I felt like a failure. But then I got to thinking, this is the hardest run I have ever done, EVER.

With that said... maybe there is hope? Even on my hardest run, on the worst day, with the most severe my side effects get... I didn't quit.

I don't think it is going to be my training I depend on to finish this race, but my sheer stubbornness is what is going to carry me through this marathon.