Monday, November 10, 2014

Marathon Disappointment

I made it to Savannah Friday afternoon and spent some time at the Expo, bought myself a few new goodies, had a good dinner and went to bed early.  I was going to have a good race. WRONG. I woke up stiff and with a migraine. I am really starting to hate Lyme Disease. I was sure once we got downtown the adrenalin and excitement would overtake all my aches and pains, but it didn't. Around mile 3 I stubbed my toe on a brick and broke a bone at the top of my foot. Ouch.  I still managed to stay with the 4:00 pacer, although I was struggling.  My breathing was great and I had no cramping but my joints hurt, bad.  My toes were aching inside my shoes... as well as my ankles, elbows and wrists.  My fingers were swollen I am assuming from bad circulation in the cold weather? Mile 12 I lost my pacer. Around mile 23 I lost the 4:15 hour pacer. I stopped at mile 24, stretched, cried, and walked. I was feeling so disappointed, so defeated. I failed. I couldn't push through the aches and pains like I thought I'd be able to. I walked for a few minutes, pulled myself together, and started jogging (shuffling?) again.
Mile 25 I picked up the pace not allowing myself to stop running no matter what. I was so close! I finished.  I was so happy to be done. I was anxious to stretch my legs and compress my achy joints. I didn't meet my BIG goal of 4 hours. I didn't BEAT my last year time of 4:16:32... no. I was slow. I felt like all that training was wasted on this run. I came in with a  final official time of 4:23:10. I hung out in the finishers shoot for a few minutes trying to pull myself together before facing everyone. I reminded myself, I finished. I ran 26.2 miles even when I wanted to quit. I put a smile on my face, took my pictures with a fake pride displayed, and walked out of the finishers shoot to face everyone.  My husband looked sad, my mom was crying (disappointed she didn't finish due to an injury). It was a very gloomy morning. We watched Phillip  Phillips finish his concert, and slowly made our way back to the car.
 A marathon is hard enough on it's own... doing it with the aches, pains and stiffness that comes with Lyme is just mean.

I'm frustrated because even after the race, my muscles feel great. I nailed my fueling the days before and the day of race day. I never got dehydrated, or cramps or sick. Everything was spot on. Everything except that fact that I have Lyme Disease and that sucks. #stupidlyme

But I will smile, because I pushed through and finished and there were times during the race, I didn't know if that was going to happen. I didn't think I would make it! I fought tears back off and on throughout the race, and once I finished there was no holding them back. I felt instant relief, disappointment, happiness, pride and failure all at the same time. It was overwhelming.

Marathon  #2 complete. I am now officially a marathoner. 

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